I Can't Believe We're Doing This Again
by Tori of Lorien
Summary: A Tori and Halo oneshot. Sequel of sorts. Just a way for us to incorporate some fun ideas we’ve had that we just couldn’t bear to pass up. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

**Summary: **A Tori and Halo oneshot. Sequel of sorts. Just a way for us to incorporate some fun ideas we've had that we just couldn't bear to pass up. Enjoy!

**Disclaimer: **For the third time now, we own nothing of _National Treasure _except our own self-inspired characters.

**Authors' Note: **Yes, we're back yet again with a third installment of our self-insert series. But before you all get your hopes up, I would just like to reiterate what was said in the summary: this is just a one-shot. I'm afraid neither of us quite feel up to another long, epic endeavor, but in talking about sequel possibilities, we did come up with a few hilarious ideas that we couldn't fit into our last fic, but still just had to see put into action. Including the title, lol. So I hope you enjoy it as much as we did!

**I Can't Believe We're Doing This Again**

Shouting. Shouting. More Shouting. And then a little more shouting.

Yes, they had come to expect it by now, but no, that didn't make it any easier to sleep through.

Next to her ear, the brunette's husband groaned. "Make it stop…"

"I can't." Haley kept her eyes closed, refusing to concede defeat. "We've tried."

Phil rolled over, and Haley could just imagine him trying to fold the pillow up over his ears to block out the din. When it did no good, he sighed in abject surrender.

"How much longer?" He sounded so pitiful, it was almost endearing.

"I don't know. I can't see the calendar."

With an effort, he raised his head. "One week."

"One week too long," Haley muttered, and squinted her eyes. How she hated being blind without her glasses! "I can't see the clock, either. What time is it?"

"Six forty-four."

"Ugh, it's too early for all this! But how much do you wanna bet Powell's still sleeping right on through it?"

Phil grunted noncommittally. "I'm not gonna bet anything, 'cause I _know _he's sleeping right on through it. But I didn't think she was such an early riser?"

"She didn't used to be. I swear, it's like she's rearranged her entire schedule around Shaw's, just to irritate him."

Her husband chuckled. "Well, that could be fun – if it wasn't also potentially life-threatening. Does Riley know what he's getting himself into?"

"Hehe, he'll find out soon enough. But it doesn't matter – they love each other anyway. He'll just have to get used to her cold feet."

"What? You think she'll try to back out at the last minute?"

"No, no, not that kind of 'cold feet' – I mean she literally has _cold feet. _And besides, I doubt they'll have these same kind of problems once they're married."

"Yeah, right – not unless Shaw stops by for a visit."

The shouting continued.

Haley rolled over to face Phil, smiling, and asked, "Do you think this is what it'll be like having kids?"

He grinned right back at her. "Teenagers, maybe. Although, I imagine they would sleep in later."

And then, abruptly, there was silence.

Haley's head perked up. "Do you think they've had enough?" she ventured hopefully.

But at that instant the shouting returned, louder than ever and accompanied by Shaw's unmistakable laughter.

"Or not." Haley proceeded to bury her face in her pillow, knowing all the while it would be of little help.

"All right, that does it." Phil hauled himself out of bed, and Haley wormed closer to the extra-warm spot he had vacated. It was still a strangely pleasant sensation waking up every morning with someone beside her; she was just glad Phil liked her beloved waterbed as much as she did.

Meanwhile, the man himself had swung open the bedroom door and stuck his head out into the hallway. "What the heck is going on out here?"

Shaw turned to him, grinning wickedly. "I turned off the hot water on her."

"You _what_?!"

"Shaw, I am going to _kill _you!" The feminine screams coming from inside the bathroom had gracefully transitioned from angry and surprised to angry and spiteful.

Her antagonist only chuckled, unfazed and unimpressed. "You're welcome to try, luv, but hopefully this will teach you to just wait your turn."

"Never!" came the impassioned response.

Phil shook his head, disbelieving, as he observed the contest of wills. "Shaw, what's gotten into you, man? I've never seen you let anyone get under your skin like this before."

"I know, but this one's a…special exception."

"Well, don't worry. Only one more week until the big day, and then she's gone."

Shaw looked genuinely disappointed. "But then it won't be any fun around here. Who am I supposed to torment when she's gone? Haley's no fun 'cause she's such a good sport, and the rest of you have all lived with me before, so you've already been through it. I'm gonna be bored out of my mind once this one leaves."

Phil laughed, and clapped his friend on the shoulder as the older man strode over to join him. "Don't worry, I'm sure Ian will come up with some kind of constructive outlet for all that creative energy."

"One can only hope." Shaw suddenly sobered. "We haven't done much of anything since the President pardoned us last year."

"That's because the FBI's been keeping such a close eye on us since then," Phil reminded him. "You know Ian just doesn't want to do anything that could get us thrown back in prison."

"Yeah, but I also know that he's good enough to pull something big and still get away with it if he wanted to. How else do you think he managed to stay out of trouble with the law for all those years? Kid, I still have to tell you about some of the jobs we pulled back in England – long before your time."

"Well, you'll just have to regale me with all the thrilling details sometime."

The two friends then heard the sound of someone deliberately clearing their throat, and they looked back into the bedroom to see Haley, now sitting upright in bed and pointing none too discreetly at Shaw.

"He's gonna get us arrested," she whispered, addressing her husband.

"_Again, _you mean," he finished with a grin.

"Come on, Haley, give me a break," Shaw defended himself. "All I've done recently is harass that poor girl in the bathroom like there's no tomorrow."

"Yes, I think we can all testify to _that,_" she replied, "but, Shaw, do you really have to make her last days in the world of singleness such a living hell?"

"Naturally. She deserves nothing less, that one. And besides, it's helped distract her from all that nerve-wracking garbage that comes with weddings."

Haley let out her breath in a quick, hapless sigh. There really was no arguing with this guy. No wonder the young lady in question had been so adamant about _not _letting Shaw walk her down the aisle on her wedding day. It would serve him right if he caught the bouquet or something equally embarrassing for someone of the male persuasion.

Still, he had admittedly surprised them all by actually offering to do it. But clearly, the bride-to-be did not trust him, and with good reason. So she had opted for Patrick Gates instead. Personally, Haley had given Powell that particular honor. It had seemed only fitting, since he had been the first one to suspect the romance developing between her and Phil over three years ago.

"Just don't go messing up anything for the honeymoon, okay?" she pleaded. "A romantic two weeks in Venice is _not _something to be interfered with."

"Don't worry, Haley," Phil placated her. "Shaw may have done some pretty crazy things in his time, but even _he's_ not stupid enough to mess with a woman on her honeymoon."

"Why, thank you for the compliment, _Phyllis_; I'm glad to know you think so highly of me. But I do think I'll get that girl a gun for her wedding gift. Being married to Poole, she'll probably need it."

"Don't you have anything on your mind besides guns, Shaw?"

The Englishman stared back up at his tall friend, perplexed. "Sure. Guns anddynamite."

"And a beer bottle."

"Of course – that goes without saying."

Still in bed, Haley laughed until her face hurt. "Well, at least you didn't say 'Guns and Roses'," she at last managed to remark around her side-splitting laughter. But then the brunette grew suddenly serious, rearranging her face into a petulant pout.

"Hey, wait a second – how come I didn't get a gun for _my_ wedding gift?"

"Because Phil already has plenty of his own, and he's not scared of 'em. That computer geek will probably have a heart attack when he sees it, though."

Haley had to choke back another laugh. "Oh, Shaw, I still don't know if I should call you 'terrible' or 'terrible-ly hilarious'."

He winked at her, eyes alight with a familiar mischievous gleam. "Either one works, Sweetheart."

"I thought Phil had a monopoly on calling me 'Sweetheart'. Isn't there a copyright or something?" She raised her eyebrows at him, but the bald Brit only shrugged.

"Even if there is, what's he gonna do about it?" He playfully elbowed the taller man standing next to him. "Phil knows I can still beat the crap out of him any day of the week. Right, kid?"

Phil rolled his dark eyes and shoved his colleague out of the way. "Yeah, sure. Whatever you say, Shaw."

At that moment, the bathroom door swung open, and Tori, dressed in a heavy bathrobe and with her hair wrapped up in a towel, issued forth with a cloud of steam for her entourage. She glared venomously at Shaw, "hmph-ed" with her head held high, and turned on her heel to march off down the hall toward her bedroom.

Shaw chuckled as she stormed away, gleefully rubbing his hands together like a little boy intent on teasing his younger sister to the point of death. "It's just too fun making her mad! Easy, too. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go eat the rest of her favorite breakfast cereal before she gets downstairs."

And then he was gone, whistling as he went. A very bemused Phil stared after him a while, then came to his senses and shut the door, locking it with pronounced intention. He climbed back into the sloshing waterbed, and Haley snuggled up close to him, seeking refuge under his strong arm. For a few moments, they simply lay there together in blissful silence.

That was, of course, until Haley whispered, "Wait for it. Wait for it…"

"_SHAW!" _And then the subsequent, mocking laughter.

His breath warm against her ear, Phil let out a weary, longsuffering sigh.

"One more week."

**The End!!!**

**Tori's A/N**: Okay, Shaw, definitely not cool, Man! _No_ one messes with my Cap'n Crunch and gets away with it! But anyway, hope you enjoyed. Oh, but there will be one more part of this filled with special features. Hope you enjoy!


	2. Special Features

**Summary: **A Tori and Halo oneshot. Sequel of sorts. Just a way for us to incorporate some fun ideas we've had that we just couldn't bear to pass up. Enjoy!

**Disclaimer: **For the third time now, we own nothing of _National Treasure _except our own self-inspired characters.

**Authors' Note: **Okay, I'm sorry – we lied again. Sort of. This truly is a one-shot, but now we have an extra special treat for our readers that required the use of another chapter. What we have here are basically "Special Features" for our entire self-insert series. A brief explanation will preface each item. Enjoy, and thanks for reading!!

**Special Features**

**Fitting Songs for our respective relationships, both by Phil Collins:**

"_**You'll Be in My Heart"**_

**(For Tori and Riley)**

Come stop your crying  
It will be all right  
Just take my hand Hold it tight

I will protect you  
from all around you  
I will be here  
Don't you cry

For one so small,  
you seem so strong  
My arms will hold you,  
keep you safe and warm  
This bond between us  
Can't be broken  
I will be here  
Don't you cry

'Cause you'll be in my heart  
Yes, you'll be in my heart  
From this day on  
Now and forever more

You'll be in my heart  
No matter what they say  
You'll be here in my heart, always

Why can't they understand  
the way we feel  
They just don't trust  
what they can't explain  
I know we're different but,  
deep inside us  
We're not that different at all

And you'll be in my heart  
Yes, you'll be in my heart  
From this day on  
Now and forever more

Don't listen to them  
'Cause what do they know  
We need each other,  
to have, to hold  
They'll see in time  
I know

When destiny calls you  
You must be strong  
I may not be with you  
But you've got to hold on  
They'll see in time  
I know  
We'll show them together

'Cause you'll be in my heart  
Yes, you'll be in my heart  
From this day on,  
Now and forever more

Oh, you'll be in my heart  
No matter what they say  
You'll be in my heart, always  
Always

"_**Against All Odds"**_

**(For Haley and Phil)**

How can I just let you walk away  
Just let you leave without a trace  
When I stand here  
Taking every breath with you  
You're the only one who really knew me at all

How can you just walk away from me  
When all I can do is watch you leave?  
'cause we shared the laughter and the pain  
And even shared the tears  
You're the only one who really new me at all

So take a look at me now  
There's just an empty space  
There's nothing left here to remind me  
just the memory of your face  
Take a look at me now  
there's just an empty space  
you coming back to me is against the odds  
and that's what I've got to face

I wish I could just make you turn around  
Turn around and see me cry  
There's so much I need to say to you  
So many reasons why  
You're the only one who really knew me at all

So take a look at me now  
There's just an empty space  
There's nothing left here to remind me  
Just the memory of your face

Take a look at me now  
There's just an empty space  
And to wait for you is all I can do  
And that's what I've got to face

Take a look at me now  
I'm just standing here  
And you coming back to me  
Is against the odds  
And that's a chance I've got to face

So take a look at me now  
Take a look at me now  
Take a look at me now

**Affectionately Playful Nicknames Developed for Characters in the Stories:**

Ben & Abigail = The Smart Couple

Riley & Tori = The Funny Couple

Phil & Haley = The Odd Couple/The Ph Factor

Patrick & Emily = The Bickering Couple

Ian Howe = The Lone Ranger

Shaw, Powell, & Viktor = The Three Musketeers/The Three Ian-keteers

Ben, Abigail, Riley, & Tori = BART

**Family Planning:**

Okay, since we know you're all wondering about kids now, here's a brief little note on that subject.

Haley and Phil had twin boys – Ian and Shaw. They are identical, but one can generally tell them apart by the little birthmark on Shaw's nose, and by the fact that Ian has more hair. The house really is a zoo now, but thankfully, the boys' "Uncles" are always willing to lend a hand.

Riley and Tori had a daughter whom they named Stephanie Joy. Shaw avoided Tori like the plague throughout the duration of her pregnancy, and with good reason, but today he is Stephanie's favorite babysitter out of all her Aunts and Uncles, much to her parents' dismay. At least the twins had already given him plenty of practice.

Ironically enough, Shaw ended up with two "children" of his own – a pair or Rottweiler dogs named Killer and Baby. Who would've thought?

**THE REAL END!**


End file.
